I'm pooped. On Thursday after the mid-day chanting service (called "yebul"), a visiting monk ascended the throne to teach. We all had books layed out in front of us to read along while we stood on our knees, palms together. Surprisingly, I was able to follow along in the text for the most part, but I couldn't understand what I was reading. At one point, there was a question and answer section, so one of the senior monks read the answers.
Now, I had a cushion under me so my knees weren't doing to bad, but my lower back was starting to ache. Before that became a problem, though, my legs starting shaking, I started sweating profusely, all the blood left my face and I felt like I was going to pass out and possibly vomit on the floor (sorry, Carrie--I know you don't like that visual). I tried deep breathing, but that didn't work, so I finally stood up and left through a side door near me. Of course, the house was packed and everyone noticed, but I figured it was better to be embarrased for leaving than to make a scene and a mess. I just stepped outside the doors and sat on the floor to put my head between my knees.
It took about 15 minutes to recover, but I decided to stay put. I looked through a hole in the paper covering the door and saw that the monks were still in that same position. I decided it was best not to risk it. When the service ended, one of the women volunteers waiting around the corner from me in that space rounded the corner and was surprised to see me. She led me under the Buddha statues of the main altar to where my shoes were on the other side of the altar room. I hadn't realized there was a way to walk under there. I think these women take care of some of the offerings before service begins. They even have a fridge under there, I think it sits right under Kwan Se Eum Bosal, the bodhisattva of compassion.
Right after the service was lunch. The weird thing was no one said anything. It wasn't until the next day at lunch that some of the monks were laughing about it. I didn't get what they were talking about at first, though they tried to explain. When I did finally understand, I explained in pidgin Korean and with a lot of gesturing why I had left. They thought I was just tired because I go to all the services (3:40am, 10:30am and 6:00pm).
I had to admit, however, that I hadn't gone to the morning service that day as I hadn't slept a wink the night before. Normally, I would still have gone to the service and tried to sleep later, but we were going to another temple that day (Friday) to wish happy birthday to my No Seunim (my "grandfather" in our particular "family" within the order), and I didn't know how long we'd stay. We arrived at around 6:45am, I think, and got all gussied up in our monastic finest before heading to the top floor to bow and pay our respects. Jeong U Seunim (that's my No Seunim's name) said a few words to everyone. When it came to me, he simply said, "Yeorae-sa...good"? I replied in Korean, "Johsumnida" ("It's good"). Yeorae-sa is my temple here. He smiled and said something about me speaking Korean. Later, a monk who speaks English translated for me while I introduced myself to everyone. It gave me a chance to publicly thank the monks of Yeorae-sa and my vocation master for their kindness.
After that, we had a quick breakfast. There was even a cake with candles for Jeong U Seunim to blow out. I sat at a table with the two Geshe's from my temple and two more Tibetans, plus a couple of Korean nuns.
After we got back, I was strangely not tired, so I worked on editing a document for my vocation master and then attended the mid-day service (thankfully, there was no fainting incident). Lunch that day was when everyone was laughing about my walking out of the service the day before.
Last night I hardly got a wink again, probably becuase I slept for a while yesterday afternoon. Today I'm going to try and go to the Dharma group in Seoul again and stay up until a normal hour so I can get a good night's sleep. If that doesn't work, I may just have to try wacking myself over the head with a frying pan.
dude.
Posted by: whiskerfarm | July 18, 2008 at 04:01 PM
dude.
Posted by: whiskerfarm | July 18, 2008 at 04:02 PM